by Christopher Wachlin
Welcome. And thank you for joining us. My name is Steve Pyradine. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “I wish I were creative.” As an actor, people often tell me they’d like to be in the movies. Sometimes they wish they could paint. But more than anything else, I hear people say they wish they could write. Great writing amazes people. It inspires them. But people are often scared. They’re intimidated by the difficulties up ahead, like lions in the jungle, ready to pounce. Sadly, they’re right. Writing is difficult, and not a suitable occupation for everyone. But we have a powerful, proven program to start you on your way to a career in the writing industry, and we can do it today. It’s called WriteMax!®, and it was designed by a visionary man named Wilson Damien. Mr. Damien built this program with beginners and experts in mind, and he’s here today to explain how it works. Please let me introduce you to the man who has helped so many people just like you unleash their creative juices. Wilson Damien.
Thank you, Steve. When you mentioned movies and painting, you raised an important issue. Why writing? Why care about it, why aspire to do it, instead of sculpting, or architecture? There are as many reasons to want to be a writer as there are stars in the sky, but perhaps the most important is that writing speaks simultaneously to the soul, the brain, and the heart like nothing else can. Music, art, science, they’re all important, but writing has an immediacy they can’t match–it goes to your gut even faster than your favorite song, and it’s retrievable and repeatable in ways that mathematical formulas or master paintings simply aren’t.
Wilson! You’re absolutely right! I never thought about it that way, but writing does hit us like nothing else.
And people are catching on. The writing industry is set to explode, Steve. More books will be published in the next year alone than were published in the final decade of the last century. And did you know that soon there will be almost as many writers as there are readers?
Naw.
It’s true. Consider this. How many times have you received a book as a gift, and then it’s just sat on your shelf, unread?
All the time Wilson.
Well, each one of those books was written by–a writer.
Of course! But how can the average guy like me get in on this? I don’t think of myself as a writer. I can’t even spell.
We take care of everything, Steve. But perhaps two WriteMax!® diplomates can explain it.
Excuse me Wilson, don’t you mean “diplomats?”
Almost, Steve. The beginning of the word is pronounced like “diplomat,” but it’s “diplomate,” and that’s someone who’s earned a diploma, in this case the distinguished WriteMax!® diploma.
I never knew that word Wilson.
With WriteMax!® you learn words. But you learn more. You learn how to give them power. You learn how to tell stories, to find stories, to make them up, you learn how to interview people, how to edit your own prose, how to assemble money-grabbing book proposals, how to choose an agent, and so much more. Most importantly, with WriteMax!® you have the tools you need to make the most of your potential in your creativity and your finances. So let’s meet two people who know the benefits first-hand. Here are Jasmine Ready, and Tom Schmidt.
Alright! And here they are! Hi Jasmine, hi Tom. Wow. First off, you don’t look like writers. I don’t mean that as an insult, heh heh. But I expected you to look … undernourished, or to walk out in rags. When I think “writer” I think “starving artist.”
Steve, I don’t know what it was like for Jasmine, but for me, I could have become that starving artist. WriteMax!® wouldn’t let me, though. WriteMax!® showed me how to be successful. I studied how to write, but I also studied the markets. And I wrote nights, after I got home from my job at the plant.
Jasmine, what did you do before WriteMax!®?
I was a receptionist. My grandmother had such a heroic story to tell but she wasn’t getting any younger. She’s afraid of computers, and she swears she doesn’t have a creative bone in her body. I didn’t even know I wanted to tell her story until I heard of WriteMax!® That became my first book. I’ve published two more, and with those profits and money from book reviewing, I am now a full-time professional writer and I only answer my own phone calls.
Wow, Jasmine it sounds like your story’s as good as your grandmother’s. But I find it hard to believe you make it financially.
I do, because of the techniques I learned from Wilson and his WriteMax!® program. My husband and I own four vehicles, and our house is paid off. Now my husband is interested in the writing industry, and we might both be self-employed soon and have the freedom we used to only dream of.
Tom how about you? Are you a full-time writer?
Yes, but I’m greedier than Jasmine, so I write full-time and I still have another job. I own five cars and two houses, and a little six-seater plane. I make a lot of money.
Thank you Jasmine and Tom. Wilson, it sounds like WriteMax!® has turned these two into real success stories. But they’re at the top–they’re writers. There’s no way everyone in the writing industry can be as successful as them. Not everyone in the writing industry is even a writer.
You’re right, Steve. And we’ll meet one of them soon. But what I want to talk about right now is how WriteMax!® is a complete program. It’s more than grammar, it’s more than the markets and the finances of writing. WriteMax!® helps you with the social aspects of writing, too.
The social aspects of writing? You lost me Wilson.
The thing to keep in mind, Steve, is that writers are people. It’s easy to forget. But even more important is to remember that writers aren’t just people, they’re unique people. It takes a special person to be creative, and writers are some of the most special. I’m going to be blunt, Steve. Writers are losers.
No! I know they’re “different,” and maybe they’re kind of solitary, but they’re not losers.
I hate to say it, Steve, but you’re wrong. They’re social gimps. Put a writer into the middle of a party where everyone’s normal and they’ll freak out.
Why?
The program explains the science of it, but the main thing to know is that WriteMax!® gets rid of it. If you use the WriteMax!® social techniques faithfully, it won’t matter how great a writer you are, you won’t be a freak.
Well, Wilson, Ms. Jasmine Ready and Mr. Tom Schmidt must be living proof of the effectiveness of the social parts of WriteMax!® because they didn’t look like losers.
And they’re not, Steve. But they don’t have me to thank. It’s the team of scientists who helped me design that aspect of the curriculum.
The program covers so much Wilson. You must have to charge an arm and a leg for it.
I could. But I want to help people. And because so many people are hearing about the program’s effectiveness, economies of scale have come into play, allowing me to profit at the same time that I lower the price and help even more people.
“Profit.” Now there’s a dirty word when it comes to creativity.
Not in my book, Steve. If you want to be an artist who isn’t happy, if you want to be miserable and poor and average and loved only by your family and maybe not even them all the time–if you want to be a cliché–then by all means, be a creative person who doesn’t use my program. But I don’t think you should be unhappy just because you’re creative, and I don’t think I should be unhappy just because I want to help.
That makes so much sense Wilson. But still, you must charge over a thousand dollars for this program. The high quality films, the books, the confidential internet address for Instant Instruction™, the posters, the LifeTimesupDates™.
We can talk price later, but I’ll tell you right now I won’t charge even five hundred dollars. With this special offer I won’t charge anything close to that.
But Wilson let’s back up–does an aspiring writer even need your program? Can writing be taught?
Esteemed universities and colleges across this country have said writing can be taught. And they’ve been saying it for over fifty years. Neither I nor they can make you talented, but we can build the talent you have, increase your understanding, and build your drive so that you can conquer the literary world.
The “literary world.” I like the sound of that. It sounds … I don’t know, important.
Oh yes. Make no mistake, Steve, the literary world is a special realm. It’s not just unread books and hollow chat. Writers are thinkers, and thinkers help leaders make decisions and understand ideas.
“Literary world” also sounds sophisticated. Did I just say “sophisticated?” Where did that come from–I hate sophisticated, fancy schmancy people. Now I’m not so sure I like this program Wilson.
Steve, first of all, you don’t have to be “sophisticated” to be a writer. It’s talent and hard work, not how you hold a teacup. Even people who will tell you a thousand times they’re not literary, are literary! Rush Limbaugh, Mark Twain, Ellen Goodman, Jimmy Carter, Douglas MacArthur, Michael Jordan, and the family dog of the forty-first president of the United States–what do they all have in common? They’ve written books! Rush Limbaugh might not be as “intelligent” or as “innovative” as Mark Twain, but he’s still literary.
Wilson, this is hard for me to wrap my brain around. When I think “writer” I don’t think Rush Limbaugh or Douglas MacArthur. When I hear those names I think radio personality, and general.
MacArthur wrote his memoirs. And Limbaugh’s written several books. Think about it. Rush Limbaugh has the ears of a massive part of America five days a week, but he knows that’s not enough: he knows that to really reach people, he must write. And so he does, because writing is the most powerful way to get your ideas across. And believe me, MacArthur wasn’t the first general turned writer. The Roman Julius Caesar, and the Civil War general Ulysses S. Grant were both writers. In fact, a documentary on PBS said of Grant’s writing that it was powerful, that it was the American language “written clearly and beautifully.”
PBS.
PBS. So you see, you don’t have to be a “writer” to be a writer, and you don’t have to be a “writer” to benefit from our program. And just to let you in on something else, another media personality, Al Franken, has even written a book about the media personality we just discussed, Rush Limbaugh. So it goes around and around. It’s an interconnected industry, writing.
But not just anyone can be a writer. These are the privileged few.
I don’t know about “privileged,” but you’re right, not just anyone can be a writer, Steve. You have to have a certain amount of talent or there’s no point to any of it. You have to be extremely hard-working. And perhaps most importantly, you have to take your own measure. No program can do it for you. No person can do it for you. You have to see if you have the courage, you have to see if you have the fire and the unwillingness to be deterred by defeat, which is demanded of anyone who wants to be a success, but these qualities must be especially strong in a writer.
Defeat? Did you say “defeat?” You just said the program would make you a success. What are–
Steve, listen carefully. I hate to use this word and I’m not even sure it’s legal on the air, but dammit it has to be said–more than anything, the writer needs cojones. Man or woman, you know what I mean. A woman can have cojones, figuratively. You have to decide whether you can handle being a writer. Like I said, I don’t know if I can say that on the air, you’re the broadcast professional, but I have to make that clear.
I am the broadcaster here, and we’re speaking English, so I think you can say cojones on the air here in America. I’m just glad you didn’t say–well, it doesn’t matter. Now you, sitting at home, you heard Wilson. You know there will be struggle and sweat, and even failure at first, because nothing’s perfect. Do you want to take charge of your future? Are you willing to make the sacrifices, the effort, the commitment? Do you have what it takes to be a writer? Then do something about it. Call now. Make your life and your loved ones’ lives everything you want them to be.
Steve, I couldn’t have said it better myself. But I’ll try.
Heh heh.
Heh heh. You’re watching Steve and me, you’re wondering, should I take the plunge? You know the answer. You’re already in charge of your future. You’re already in charge of your life. You wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t. Now you just need that last missing piece. This is it. The rest of your life begins as soon as you pick up that phone. $89.95 buys paradise. Oh, you’ll have to work–you’ll have to work hard! But you already know all about hard work and struggle. Now you just need to put your work to work for yourself, for the challenging, exciting, creative, powerful, financially secure life you know is possible. Pick up the phone and call. The answer is yes.
Wilson, as our operators take the calls, tell me a little about the non-writing careers in the writing industry.
Steve, these are some of the most exciting careers. Researchers, freelance copy editors, manuscript readers, writers’ personal assistants, publishing house bartenders, fact checkers, so many. A beautiful thing is happening, too. The cult of writer worship is ending. Just as we’re finally starting to round the corner on learning and really internalizing that the guy on the assembly line is as important as the CEO, that the administrative assistant is as valuable as the administrator, so the creative world has finally woken up and seen that the writer is only one person in the process of making a book. Listen to what one industry insider says. I’ll read what Edward S., a powerful editor in New York City, had to say: “In many respects, the writer is the least important person in the writing of a book.”
That’s revolutionary.
It is, Steve, and WriteMax!® users can be in the revolution. A new day is beginning to dawn in America, and we can spot heroism in places where before we were blind to it. Those events that no one will ever forget have changed us. Now, whether a chastened America is a stronger country or a weaker one still gets debated (I think it’s stronger), but one thing I know is that we must be everyday heroes more often. More is expected of all of us. So it’s not just the writer up in the clouds or down on the barroom floor. It’s the manuscript reader at a desk day after day, weighing the words delivered by the writer. It’s the researcher who marshals the facts the writer needs to get the job done. It’s a team effort. Even the loftiest of the lofty–the poets and novelists–need the help of the common person to get their books out. We always knew this, but it’s hitting home, it’s hitting home. Let’s watch a testimonial from one of these everyday heroes right now. Steve, this is another WriteMax!® diplomate, Julia Wisterlaliaison. Julia’s too busy to come into the studio. We have her recorded. With the knowledge and guidance she gained from WriteMax!®, Julia is now a professional manuscript reader. Let’s watch.
“This tall, orderly stack of paper in front of me is a manuscript that will soon be on the desk of a senior editor at a well-known New York publisher, with no small thanks to me. I receive manuscripts all the time from agents and junior editors who want my opinion on whether a bunch a words can become a book. Maybe I can’t be a writer, but I know good writing when I read it, and I can participate in bringing writing to people. I have career fulfillment and financial security now, and I owe it all to Wilson Damien and his WriteMax!® curriculum.”
Wilson, there was almost a defiant look to Julia when she said, “Maybe I can’t be a writer.”
That’s right.
This is powerful stuff.
It is, Steve. But you know what else it is? Doable stuff. If you–
Hey, is that a word Wilson, “doable,” or are you pulling my leg? This show’s about writing and good grammar.
No, it isn’t a word. You’re keeping me on my toes, heh heh. And that’s the beauty of being in the industry. Once you’re in, anything you say is a word. This is a powerful program, and it’s a doable program. But to get that power you must make the commitment. That’s what Julia did. Julia was a schoolteacher. But I think we all know teaching isn’t what it used to be, and can now be downright dangerous. Julia wasn’t getting the fulfillment she’d hoped for from teaching. She knew it wasn’t the kids’ fault, she knew it wasn’t her fault or the parents’ fault, it’s just how society and schools are now. When Julia finally admitted that no matter what, it just wouldn’t work, she knew she needed to make a change. And that’s where we came in. Let’s hear more of Julia’s story.
“All my life I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but the average school today doesn’t let you be one. Finally I had enough. But what could I do? I didn’t want to throw my education away. I needed out, but I needed to respect my worth and have a fulfilling career that would also pay the bills. When I heard about WriteMax!® I was sure it was a hoax. I was sure there had to be a catch. I have a college degree and I’m a skeptic. But I also knew that you have to take risks. And I can now say that I’m thrilled with my career, and it’s all because of WriteMax!®.”
But Wilson, what about the average person on the street? Julia had a college degree, which is different.
No it isn’t. People without college degrees can be unhappy with their careers too. Today Julia’s a happy manuscript reader, but she wasn’t always. And don’t forget Tom Schmidt. He made it all the way to writer when he used to work at a plant. Steve, I think I should make one thing clear right now: you don’t have to be a good writer to succeed in the writing industry. Let me repeat that: you don’t have to be a good writer to succeed in the writing industry. Julia is just one person who can’t write and isn’t creative who has an exciting career in the writing industry. There are more.
Wilson, let’s bring Tom Schmidt and Jasmine Ready back out here. Ah, and here they come. Tom, Wilson’s not going to like this, but I think he’s undercharging.
I don’t mind a bit, Steve. If people hear again what a bargain it is, I sell more.
But what I’m driving at Wilson is this: the lower price could make some of the original WriteMax!® users angry.
Can I take that, Wilson?
Sure thing, Tom.
Steve, I don’t begrudge Wilson Damien a dime of what I paid, and that’s all there is to it.
So you’d pay … three thousand dollars?
Knowing what I know today? I’d pay three thousand dollars easy. It’s worth ten times that.
What about five thousand?
Sure. Because I know the power of this program. But don’t drive too hard a bargain on me Steve, heh heh, because I’ll pay it since I know what it’s worth–leave me something to buy steaks for the family with, heh heh.
So you’re not mad that Wilson’s selling the program for $89.95?
No. You want to know why? Access. We all deserve to make the most of our creativity. Not everyone can afford one of them Master’s of Fine Arts programs at college. And even if you could, you still have to get a bachelor’s degree first. Creativity’s too important to put off that long. I’m just happy I’m getting my share and I hope others can get theirs.
A real regular guy. How about you Jasmine?
Oh, absolutely, Steve. I agree with everything Tom said. But I would add one thing.
What?
Writing is power, but it’s good power. It will change your life. Once you go down that road you’ll never be the same. If you use WriteMax!® properly, your relationships will improve, your social life will improve, even your love life will improve!
Your love life? From a program about writing? Wilson this can’t be.
She speaks the truth, Steve. It goes back to an aspect of the social part of the program we didn’t touch on earlier but I suppose we should now.
Okay.
Steve, WriteMax!® can show you how you can control your masturbating, or at least cut it in half.
No! No! Let me–no! What does this have to do with writing?
Wilson, may I?
Sure, Jasmine, go ahead.
Steve, you may not believe this, but masturbating is a danger for creative people. Do you remember the movie Field of Dreams? There’s a big school board meeting where a woman says James Earl Jones’ writer’s block comes from masturbating.
I thought that was in the movie to make her look ridiculous!
It does make her look ridiculous, but it also tells a sad truth. Everyone masturbates, but creative people masturbate even more. I masturbate all the time. I’m sure Tom does.
Heh heh.
Heh heh.
Heh heh.
I’m serious. The issue is, can you control it? I used to touch myself so much more often. A world-renowned Irish poet was addicted, addicted to masturbation. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t help himself. That groundbreaking novelist of the early twentieth century? She couldn’t handle it, either. Masturbating is a danger people don’t want aspiring writers to know about. But if you don’t know, and you enter the creative world naïvely, you could get blindsided. WriteMax!® helps you find solutions, and your writing and your relationships grow immensely.
Jasmine, Tom, Wilson, this is very informative. The social aspects of WriteMax!® are as effective as the literary.
Yes, but there’s more.
How much more Wilson?
Too much to cover here, but another highlight should be friendships. One of the common images of the writer that isn’t a misconception is the hours and days alone. Everyone has these pictures in their mind of writers in rooms working long, solitary hours, and it’s true.
So what can WriteMax!® do?
You already have your select friends, but WriteMax!® can give you phone numbers and names of writers in your area. Writers find that having one or several friends who write is very helpful. Someone who speaks the lingo.
Wilson Damien, you’ve thought of everything.
No, I haven’t.
I don’t believe you.
I haven’t. Here’s an example. We’re on TV. How many aspiring writers watch TV?
I bet it’s a lot.
I do too, Steve, but a bet is all I have. It’s just a hunch. But I suspect this is an untapped group, a group of people the elitists ignore. I’m taking a risk that the average man and woman have something to say. We already know they’re hardworking, we already know they’re honest. The risk is expending the resources to come here and present this powerful tool–writing–to the average man and woman. But you know something, Steve?
What?
It’s not much of a risk. The average man and woman know that their stories are the real stories. It began with Shaw, and Dickens before him, and on up to the lives of John Wayne and Roseanne Barr.
Those are four names you don’t hear in the same breath very often.
But you should, and the average American knows that instinctively.
Wilson, we’re near the end of our allotted time. I want to send us off with some big crescendo finish, but after learning everything I have today, I’m not sure that’s appropriate.
Steve, you’re a natural. A quiet denouement is exactly what we want. Now we wait, and trust everyday people to do what’s right.
