[sic]
by Charlie Geer
The other day I bought this notebook here in Puente Genil. It only cost me a Euro — not a bad deal. The notebook seems sturdy enough. It looks up to some traveling. It’s just the right size for my satchel. What’s more, should I ever forget what this notebook is, this notebook tells me what it is. It is a notebook.
The finer print on my new notebook, like a lot of fine print, is perhaps not meant to be read very carefully. Safe to say it was not read very carefully before being stamped on however many thousands of notebooks.
It’s relaxes our eyes and mind.
Putting aside for a moment the question as to how a notebook might relax our eyes and mind, the “it’s relaxes” is…well, it’s just amazing. I aim to keep this notebook out of sight of my ESL students, for their own protection.
Sadly, I cannot protect them from the English commonly found on t-shirts. They have quit asking me about the English commonly found on t-shirts. They have learned that I, their English teacher, cannot explain the English commonly found on t-shirts. A few examples:
SHARK REPAIR CREW
CYBER JEANS COLLEGE COACH 02
HAPPY LET’S BE GIRL’S
TAKEAWAY UNIVERSITY
TEAM REEBOK COAST GUARD
It’s kind of like product developers are hurling magnetic poetry at a fridge and stamping the results on t-shirts—or simply hurling, and making t-shirt English out of hurling sounds. Invariably the t-shirt’s graphic features an official-looking seal, like from a university or some other important, time-honored institution. Presumably this is meant to lend authority to something like “Cyber Jeans College Coach 02,” to make the utterly meaningless, official. In a way, it succeeds in this. With “Cyber Jeans College Coach 02,” the utterly meaningless is now official. It is produced on a large scale, and available at a store near you.
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Charlie Geer is the author of the novel “Outbound: The Curious Secession of Latter-Day Charleston.” His work has appeared in Tin House, The Sun, Bloomsbury Magazine, and The Southern Review.
